Wow - Such a busy day, physically I am drained and now I am also an emotional wreck! How can we turn such a gorgeous day into a crying mess? It all begins with how rubbish are you?
A snap or a nasty comment can crumple those around you, once you throw the word and spit your anger at someone - Suddenly reality hits and BAM you are the most rubbish person in the world.
No matter how much of an angel you were for the rest of that day, once you bite you become a mass of rubbish and shame and nothing can undo that. There is no magic cure, there is no wonderful technique or crystal that will make you feel better and you can never ever guarantee that you will never do it again - Because - We are all Rubbish every now and then.
I forget how others hold emotions, I only think about myself sometimes and this makes me feel awful but it is who I am. We must remember that everyone around us are living, breathing and thinking beings with just as much worry and pain as you. As soon as we forget this, this is when we become the rubbish person we detest.
Time passes and emotions settle, sorry's are said and hugs are given. Wet tissues from tears are placed in the bin and normality resumes. Physically you are drained because the adrenalin has left and your muscles are aching, your face is swollen, eyes are sore and noses are red, but most of all the guilt sits and rots in your chest. Time forgives and the words are forgotten, but the feeling isn't. The tides flow, the moon rises and falls, the sun brings new days but you still allow the guilt to make you feel rubbish. THIS is the time when you have to learn how to move on from that moment. If you cannot then the rubbish you is rotting and festering inside of you. The negativity in your mind and the rotten words in your mind is fed from this guilt. Suddenly you are not only a rubbish person in a moment of anger or pain you are propelled into a cycle of feeling rubbish all the time!
You blame it all on yourself, the traffic jam, the milk that went off, the forgotten dog food, etc. Then you allow the rot to thrive and you are suddenly blaming yourself for things that you haven't even done yet - The kids are suffering from you working so much, you are failing at being a parent, you are rubbish at your job, everyone hates you, you are letting yourself go, you can't run 5k, even the dog hates you! Now that one horrid thing that you can barely remember, which happened 6 months ago has turned into an ogre which is going to take a lot of work to defeat! So STOP!
Next time, and there will be a next time, you snap, you stray from your angelic path and tell the kids you're fed up - etc - Do not let the guilt fester. Apologise, give cuddles, take their forgiveness and then forgive yourself. Tell yourself that it is not good to snap, but sometimes it is going to happen. It has happened and I cannot take it back, I can make it better but I cannot dwell on this. Repeat after me
"I was a rubbish person today ... I will rest, I will sleep and I will awake tomorrow knowing not to push myself too much so that I end up snapping. I do not need to apologise over and over. I will not let my rubbish build up."
You are not rubbish, you are all gorgeous and you are all pushed to a limit sometimes. keep yourself balanced and remember that tomorrow is another day. Smile, send out love to yourself and others, because my dear ones, you are the world to so many people around you, and they don't mind a snap every now and again.
All my love Chrissy @ Raven Crow
