Well it isn't easy being in pain with an invisible disability, bearing in mind it's not easy being in pain with a visible disability either! I have been misdiagnosed several times and now I am suffering with pain throughout my body from endo lesions. This pain leads to anxiety which leads to feeling exhausted and "foggy".
BUT I am well, I am ok but I just can't always perform - Which is hard when you are expected to deliver a service like mine - The amount of financial losses through illness has been extortionate - Plus Covid - I am surprised I am keeping my head above water. Some days I just cannot cope - Yet on the outside I look fine, I can hide pain quite well (I think) but other days I just want to leave my body completely!
I am private and I find this hard to write, but I think it is important to see what is behind the cancellations and lets be honest the let downs when I have to cancel. I basically have such bad endometriosis (it almost killed me in 2019 - Well complications after major emergency surgery did) it has now been diagnosed as spreading across my whole body, but I am too high a risk for surgery. Therefore my diagnosis is literally a concoction of hormonal treatment and pain killers which put me into a chemical menopause to stop it spreading - Unfortunately this treatment has failed and I have lesions growing on my spine, my hips, by back and ribs - and most painfully on my scar tissues from the surgery! Some days I can walk, but some days I cannot move. I try to hide it as best I can, I drive the kids to school then come home and literally die! I cannot take the painkillers as they make me feel dizzy and unable to do simple things, I certainly cannot drive on them!
The difficult part is it is so unpredictable, it hits me so randomly and I just cannot plan ahead anymore. I do feel like a failure and I often wish I had a leg cast or a visible issue so that I would receive acknowledgement of my pain. It is invisible, apart from when you are my husband trying to lift me into bed after a nasty attack.
I don't ask for any sympathy etc I just need understanding, this is why I am not doing readings for a little while, not until I can stabilise the pain in an effective way. As you know I cannot do readings if I am in pain, how on earth do you get into the mind space you need for a reading when you are struggling to keep a lid of your calls out in pain?
I can only apologise for the recent cancellations and refunds etc. I wish I could work 100%. This disease has cost me my career in nursing, my career as a teacher - I had to drop out of the course due to mis diagnosis and a feeling of embarrassment that I was bed bound once a month - How can I be a teacher if I can't physically move once a month??? I was only 28 then. I returned to nursing and continued to work on the bank, because then at least I could take time off when needed. After fainting several times at work, I left due to embarrassment again. The doctors suggested having babies - I had two - And I knew something was wrong because the labour was a piece of piss compared to my periods!!! I only had paracetamol and popped those babies right out! But the disease continued and I have struggled to be listened to, treated and most importantly having my pain validated. It is the worst feeling in the world being told your pain can't be true? Being told that I cannot have this disease because I have had children? Being talked over as the GP spoke to my husband rather than me and asked him what he thought about my pain attacks? I felt like I was a nutter and the doctors all thought I was hysterical. So I gave up trying to get help. I started my business up and I was completely overwhelmed by how fast it grew.
A couple of name changes and a few tweaks here and there and Raven Crow was birthed. I LOVE doing readings, but I will not do them unless I am on top form, sadly that is getting rarer and rarer as the days continue. It breaks my heart to have to limit the amount I can do but I have to put myself first AND if you guys have a crap reading it will only cause me more upset so please bear with me if you can. I will still have availability but it will be short notice and only when I can physically guarantee a good reading. We will still be doing plenty of crystals etc.
All I ask is a little bit of understanding, that it is not that I am being lazy, I just feel a bit icky and I need a little rest. So please keep booking in on the dates that are available, and please keep watching our crystal markets.
I am lucky that I have access to such beautiful healing crystals and they truly work so much better than painkillers, but like all good things, they take time. If you suffer with an invisible or visible illness and you feel you need a voice, please reach out, I may set up an online healing group.
I love you all, I just have a crappy body who needs attention sometimes.
All my love Chrissy @RavenCrow